2 years.

Nothing could have prepared me for this day 2 years ago... Nick came home from work to tell me my father had passed away... I thought it was a joke and I still do. I was pregnant with his first granddaughter at the time and I remember thinking to myself No one will ever hold her you see dad was to be the first to hold her when she was born... Little did I know at the time he wouldnt be here to hold her... I kept myself busy today I did laundry - lots of it! Played with the girls and talked to Nick... but Now as I stop for the night I realize that he is really gone and no amount of laundry is going to change that... My father was a clever man and a sarcastic one at that... while i was pregnant he called me moink and I will never ever forget the excitement in his eyes when he made that up... you would have to know him to realize that it was not an insult... He may not be here to celebrate the accomplishments or hold me through the tough times but he is still here... I feel him in everything that I do and hear his voice with every decision I make! he was an amazing father and husband. I just wish I could move on instead of living in regret and saddness. I miss you daddy I will always be your little girl!

my father, my hero

2 years ago on March 30th my father passed away...Some of you are probably saying i know I know... but I really just need to get out what I am feeling... Here is a a list not in chronological order of what has happened in the last 2 years that dad has not been here in person to see... 1. the birth of his first grandchild- Taylor Ann 2. My graduation from the university of arizona... 3. Nicks first "deployment" - man did I need him here for this one! 4. The birth of his second grandchild- Addyson Lynn 5. My graduation from Grand Canyon University 6. Taylor's first birthday 7 My 21st birthday and my 22nd 8. My decision to go to medical school to become a neonatologist. these are just events in our lives that has happened... Man do I miss him... I def took him for granted while he was here... said things I didnt mean... so hard to remind myself he is really gone... it is true that a daughters first love is their father... Daddy I miss you and love you more than you will ever know!!

Update

It has been hectic,crazy, and almost insane how much is going on right now! Here is a quick update on everyone!

Addyson-
she is getting sooo big! 13 lbs roughly and wearing 6 month sleepers because she is soooo tall! She is content sleeping in her swing which is causing the battery industry to gain a lot of income! Smiling and cooing she is adorable and growing way to fast! Its almost hard to believe that she will be 4 months on April 1st- almost like a cruel april fools joke!

Taylor-

we have had a lot of excitement in the last week- We had known that Tay had been having petite mal seizures but never did I ever think she would have a full blown seizure ( grand mal) I have never been more scared nor had so much adrenaline - I didnt even think about what was happening I went into mother mode and all that mattered was that she was okay.... thus started our 2 day stay in the hospital most of it tay spent sedated. They ran an eeg and a MRI and both came back normal which meant no seizure disorder! I was glad and relieved but at the same time I needed to know what was causing the seizures. When we left the hospital I didnt want to put her on medication yet due to the risks... But when she had a seizure on the way home and then another one yesterday before nap and then another one last night I didnt think twice before I called the neurologist and requested the medicine... He took another look at the mri and called me back late last night to let me know something that has changed our lives... she has fluid built up around her brain... from when her head was deformed when she was an infant... I am outraged... her pediatrician told us all along that she didnt need to be seen that it was all cosmetic and our insurance would not cover it... I wonder now if they will cover it? grrr.... so friday we are off to the hospital for them to drain the fluid around her brain... Im not allowed back and I have been informed that if something goes wrong they will be rushing her into surgery... so prayers please for friday! They have also said since her brain has not stopped growing they can not put a temporary drain tube in. so this means that every 2 months we will have to go in for them to drain the fluid. Thus, this also means she will be in therapy at least till she is in 4th grade if not longer... I am trusting God through all of this that he will help me take care of my baby girl! She is a fighter has been from day 1 and I know that she will continue to fight!

Nick-
Officially tests for staff on the 12th of May just 2 days before we get there! I can not wait for us to be a family again even it is only going to be 3 weeks...

Me-
I had my wisdom teeth removed on friday and I am still slowly beginning to eat again... it was a little more painful then I thought it would be...

Alright that is all for now! talk soon!

update.

I feel like i have been extrememly busy as of lately... maybe its drs appt's or the fact that I am a Aunt! I dont know what it is... but I have not really thought about blogging!

so here is the run down-

Addyson- is doing excellent sleeping about 6 to 8 hours at night :) She is currently sleeping and for that I am grateful!

Taylor- oh where to start?! Just when I think things are looking up with this kid we get thrown through a loop... Tay is still quite behind for her age according to her therapists... She was also diagnosed with "pemal" seizures... lovely. She has also apparently inherited the kidney issue and most likely only has one :( oops. But depsite the negative stuff she is a loving "terrible" taylor :) oh how the age of 2 and 3 are going to be a blast!!

Nick- is doing excellent! Not much else to report here!

Me- Well the one thing that i had been trying to avoid was my wisdom teeth having to be removed... well my luck they are coming out friday the 18th and I am sooo terrified. But I will survive! the week after that I will be going in to have the cancer scraped off... fun stuff. :( not ... as long as they can get it all and dont see anymore there will be no need for chemo! yay so pray for that!!!

well its time to get tay ready for dinner and what not! have a great week !!