Sunday, January 22, 2012
Rock Bottom - or At least almost there...
I have always been strong when it has come to Taylor's therapies and her health problems... I have let a few tears fall every now and then, but for the most part I have held it together - Until last night... For some reason - people feel the need to say hurtful things like, Taylor is the way she is because of you... and it is your fault that she was born early - so deal with it and move on... First of all, these things are not okay to say to anyone - even your worst enemy... Second, do they really think I have not thought through these things and have insecurities when it comes to Taylor... Point is - almost 3 years ago, My body failed Taylor, my body decided it didn't want to be pregnant anymore and "failed" my daughter. Now whether or not this is true or not - It is something I have struggled with and will continue to struggle with... Last night nick and I had a long discussion about where we are at in our marriage, where the girls are at, and how the heck we push through this... the truth is all we figured out is that this is OUR life - and despite what everyone thinks including friends and family - we are the ones that have to live with decisions... We know that with my health and Nicks career that a extreme lifestyle change is needed... this includes diet and family exercise... ( I will just call this last part family bonding time.) When it comes to the girls - yes, I have to accept the fact that Taylor is behind and live with my decisions to work instead of putting her straight back into therapy - I can only hope that I did not do any damage in the decisions I made... But again I will have to live with them and no one else... Addyson will need to be in preschool when she turns 3 and although we have a ways to go with that, it really is right around the corner... there is so much going on right now - tomorrow will mark endless phone calls to dr's and developemental pediatricians.... therapists and hopefully answers... but its a start... and to answer everyone's question - yes I will be staying home, for the benefit of my family... Career on hold for now - and that folks is how I hit Rock bottom.
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Stay strong, janine. You are a good, loving mom & no one should criticize you for the situation you are in because the bottom line is that is no ones fault. Everyone has a different journey with unique challenges. You are in my prayers. -mary
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mary! Stay strong. You're a wonderful mother and your girls are lucky to have you as their mother. Don't worry about what others say/think. I'm always here if you need something!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the other 2 ladies above. You're an amazing mom and you have been through a lot as a family and that's why you guys are strong together. I know its hard to believe this but its not your fault at all that Taylor has the challenges in her life. What you can do is help her through them. You will have the hard times with her and you will have the great times with her as well. I know you won't give up. I don't know if you know but I was 2 months early myself. I was born with one eye and had many challenges myself in life. Now I'm almost 25 yrs old and I know my mom still thinks about whether or not what happened to me was her fault and I know that its not and won't ever blame her for the way I am. I know God made me the way I am for a reason. I'm thankful to have the friends and family I do because they've stuck with me through it all. I'm especially thankful for my brother and sisters because I know I've been treated more special then them and they had it the worse.
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