Nervous... Anxious...

Tomorrow is the first round of tests being ran to determine how this pregnancy is going to go... I ask for guidance and prayers.... Im fortunate and very blessed to have a "new" friend who knows the struggles of tough pregnancies and is able to go with me tomorrow as they run the tests... Whoa talk about blessed! Who else would want to wake up super early just to go and sit with me? lol Its definitely a blessing as I know that if Mum was here she would go but being so far away she cant be, Nick cant take the time off of work to take me which left me in the mercy of friends... So thankful that I barely got the words out of my mouth before Tasha ( my friend) was offering to drive me and sit with me!! Def a blessing!!!

I will post as to how the tests go... last time i had blood drawn I passed out, hopefully this time I will do great and it will be a piece of Cake!

Man, the things us women go through...

Well goodnight! talk to you all in the Morning!

Can I stop time now?

Yesterday Nick Taylor and I ventured to Wal Mart, Normally a quick trip in and out turned into an hour long trip... I had been telling Nick that I wanted to get Taylor a baby doll... But I did not think she was ready for one.

Well fate have it we ended up in the toy section ( mainly for Nick) and I ventured down the baby doll aisle. WHOA. Taylor's face immediatly lit up like she had hit Jack pot... So i knew she needed one... I was amazed at how many they actually had! WE ended up with the cheapest one for now, and taylor carried it with her in the cart and would not let go... I had tears in my eyes... my daughter who was 8 weeks early was finally able to enjoy what I consider "big kids" toys... Can I please stop time??

Now Baby Molly is sleeping next to me while her mommy eats breakfast... I love it. Hopefully this will make the transition of being a big sister easier on her.

one can only hope right?

Strong?

Thats the word that I cant seem to get out of my head today.... Im suppose to be strong, strong for my husband strong for my daughter, and most of all strong for the little one growing inside of me...

The assignments people tell me not to stress, the dr says do not stress..... BUT I ask is it your spouse going on a tour for ONE year without his family? Who am I kidding that Nick and I are not stressed. We have a baby on the way and more than anything nick knows that I need him here.... BUT MILITARY first... Family Second. Thats how this life works... so why Cant I just deal with that and move on? Why can I not trust that God is in CONTROL?

Lucky for me I have a pretty HUGE support system ... Nick will be leaving in september for a YEAR there is no getting out of this one... Which means to anniversaries he will miss, a two year old birthday and the birth of his second child, a Thanksgiving and a Christmas, a Easter, a 4th of July.... all these holidays will be spent apart....

IF I hear one more person complaining that they are away from their husband for longer then a 8 hour work shift, im going to scream.... ITS LIFE people... Try military life for one week! I guarantee you could not handle the long hours and constant not knowing what comes next.

I do complain a lot... but hello the stress of not knowing what is in store for the future kills me.

So I ask you to please wake me up in september of 2011.

Janine

Frustration...

I am so done with people making me feel "horrible" for being pregnant again. YES i am young, deal with it... I have my degree I am where I want to be in my life. Im married to the man that I love. Yes I had a tough pregnancy with taylor, please you dont have to remind me... Im the one who burried my father than had to turn around and watch my daughter suffer in the hospital for 5 weeks. I have a good team of doctors this time... a cardiologist as well as a high risk OB. I know more this time around which means I am taking precautions to watch my blood pressure.

You dont think that I have already thought ahead to the fact Nick could go to korea and I will have to stay here deliver by myself?

Im happy and if you can not be happy as well for me than please just stop making me feel horrible. Whats done is done... if you think that I would have a abortion then you are not as much as a christian as I thought you were...

This is several people making me feel this way not just one. Actually it is 3 people. some family some not.

Peace.

Job.

This morning I was greeted my an email from my boss thanking me for the time and effort I put into the AVID program... when really I replied I should be thanking him he provided me a job that helped me in my own studies... it taught me things that I can use when taking grad level classes.

I am sad that the job/school year is coming to a close. But I learned this that I am no where near cut out to be a high school or elementary teacher.. Kids smell. No not only that I just realize that kids have more potential then they allow themselves to have and that aggravates me.

So this summer will be spent being a nanny so I can keep Taylor with me and not have to pay for childcare! I love my life right now... Everything is coming together.... Now we just get to wait to find out whether taylor and I will be accompaning Nick to Korea... I pray every day that we get to.

Peace.

Scared...

So I have been told in the last 24 hours the following things:

You are selfish

You donot deserve this

You are going to be really sick

and the list could go on...

What I am not getting is this do you people who are upset with me not realize that all of these things went through my head, and if any of you were actually here and seeing that I was upset when I found out that I was pregnant... that I didnt want to do this yet... you would understand better.

I think what if I cant carry all the way to term again? What if this baby comes early just like taylor... I cant undo the fact that I am pregnant so please just move on past that, whether you think im stupid or not. WE are ready for this adventure. You will never understand our reasoning but one day you will.


This is my life and I am exactly where I want to be.

Here it is...

So here it is... IM PREGNANT! Yep we are expecting baby pom #2
We are both thrilled and nervous! But know that God never gives you anything that you cant handle!

SOOOOO yay, will know more later! Talk soon!


PEACE

Hmmm

At my meeting/interview today the lady asked me what kind of music I listen to in the car... as I will be picking her two older girls up from school. I answered mainly KLOVE. She was thrilled. This got me to thinking, I once had a friend who told me that I listen to way to much christian music! WHOA, hold on a second I prefer that when my daughter is in the car she is not hearing about taking rides on guys disco sticks or you spin my head right round when you go downtown.... rather her listen to how much our God loves us and cares for us.

These last couple of days have also taught me two things. One, My life is amazing... who else can say that after loosing both parents? I have an amazing stepmom who is slowly finding happiness again. I also am in awe and inspired how she has "kept" it together for me and my brother when all I have ever wanted to do is crawl up in bed and not move. She wouldnt let me neither would my husband or my daughter for that matter!

Second, I am slowly finding more and more reasons why I love my husband... first of all is this, despite everything we have gone through in our short time of being married HE would never lay a hand on me... I have a few friends that are either dating or married and are abused either verbally or physically... It got me to thinking though that when these girls go back to them it makes them look very needy, why would you continue to allow a "man" to abuse you? I just had a friend move away for this very reason and I admire her for getting the courage to walk away.
Nick has never verbally abused me nor physically. He has a respect for females that goes beyond words... To the point where he will not tolerate other males speaking to me in a disrespectful way.

I am totally in love with life right now! God has been good and so has life. I am blessed with new friends who understand military life and having kids. I am blessed with "old" friends that still support me even when I make mistakes!

I love you all! Dad and Mom I miss you but this home is just temporary!

Mum you have been the greatest! I love you and miss you!

Peace.