11 weeks to go...

Wow! I cant believe how fast time is going!! Lately I have been busy with Taylor, dr appointments, my first trip to the dentist to have "work" done - Oh and a 3d ultra sound of Addyson Lynn. Where should I Start?

Ill start with Taylor-

She now Can stand all by herself, for me this is a HUGE accomplishment and I am ecstatic everytime she does it!
She walks all over the house with her walker- and has taken 3 steps by herself... it wont be long!
She was cleared by the early interventionist to not need any therapies- they believe she is just laid back and will do things on her own time.
She knows how to stack blocks now! wooo I worked on this for 2 weeks with her and believe me there were many times we both wanted to throw the blocks at each other!
She cuddles with her baby well and all of her toys!
She can eat a WHOLE banana -- im not kidding she is a eating machine!

So to wrap up on Taylor - I could go on and on... She is doing great considering she was 9 weeks early. :) Thank goodness it could have been worse.

On to Addyson Lynn

she rolls from side to side now in my tummy.
She has the hiccups at least once a day.
She weighs around 1 lb 10 oz ( yes I know that seems tiny, give her a break! )
Everything looks great!

Again I could go on forever about my girls but ill save some for later!

On to Nick.

He is finally settling in to the swing of things in Korea. Although we miss each other very much this is a "bump" in our marriage that we will look back on and say "yay us we survived it!" He knows a couple of the guys that he works with and finally went out with them for a guys night the other night. ( i was proud.) <--- cheesy huh? lol Looks like if things go well he will be here in december for the birth, something we were both unsure about him getting to do but decided to take our chances and send him to Korea anyways... Im glad we did! Right now his only complaint is the amount of walking he has to do oh and the food... except for the Cake ( he eats a piece every night)

A quick update on myself.
I am doing fine. A little bit exhausted these days but I am embracing this "single" motherhood with open arms as Taylor and I have bonded in a way that we had not previous to Nick leaving. I do miss my husband I miss him a lot but I am so proud of his service and the sacrifices he is making to serve his country! Health wise things are looking a lot better since I was in the hospital, it was a wake up call to take care of myself. My BP has been normal and controlled with the medicine, Im just praying that I can hold Addyson in till december! My goal however is 34 weeks but I will keep pushing week by week after that!

I need to stop here and say a couple of thankyou's -

Mum- Thanks for keeping me sane without your level head I think these last 3 weeks I would have wanted to give up throw in the towel, but you didnt let me. Im gonna miss you heaps when you leave in ( 11 weeks) but i know that your happiness is far greater than me missing you. ( if that makes sense.) and we will be visiting next christmas you can count on it!

To my mother in law- geez i got lucky when it comes to having a mother in law. Most in laws would not have done what you did. Allowed me to live here helped me with Taylor and on top of it you sit with me at appointments! Thanks. Between you and becca and the rest of the family I have been able to keep my mind occupied!


whew I think im done - lol

well peace out readers and enjoy the rest of your week!! I know I will!!!

woooooooo 11 weeks to go!!!

whatever happened to...

People who are considerate of others feelings?
People who dont respond to comments rudely?
People who ask you before they assume something?

Please dont waste your time nor my time if you do not have something nice to say. Seriously did your mother or father or whoever raised you not raise you the right way?


I wish I was the type of person to just walk away from people after they treat me like this unfortunately I take my friendships seriously and am a forgiving person. I dont know why some of the stuff that has been said to me in the last couple of weeks has been down right hateful.

URGH

our greatest fear is fear itself.

I dont usually reveal many of my fears but I think it is time to start. So if you dont want to read this thats okay. I need to tell someone and this is the way I am choosing to do so.

For every fear I am going to try to find someway to overcome it:

I have the fear of loosing another parent ( i only have one left -- I was blessed with three parents.)

I have the fear of something happening to my husband.

I have the fear of not being in control of situations.

I have the fear of hospitals ( this stems from both parents being in the hospital.)

I have the fear of something happening to either one of my daughters.

I have the fear of the NICU and that what happened with Taylor is going to happen with Addyson.

I have a fear of delivering addyson without my husband.

I have the fear that one day I to will pass on and leave my girls and husband behind.

But through all of these fears I am only stronger because I will survive them. My husband is a great support from which I draw all of my strength from. He may not be able to be here for the birth of our daughter ( who is our last child we will be having ) But he is doing something far greater than being here and I am proud of him. Addyson and Taylor both will one day complain about their father being away doing his duty to his country and I too will be able to comfort their fears. I guess that is another fear I have dealing with my childrens fears.

Thanks for reading this.

The reason my first major was Microbiology.

There are times when I remember why I made certain decisions. Like the decision of my first major-- microbiology. Both my parents died from Congestive Heart Failure. To some im sure you are thinking whats the big deal? They were your parents that should be enough, right? No it was not enough that they were my parents -- what did me in was when my mothers cardiologist told me there was no cure. At ten I knew that there was no cure, it was a waiting game. When my father was diagnosed with CHF at the age of 16 I was upset that I knew it would be yet another waiting game. So it was the decision that I felt I needed to find the cure for CHF.

Now 11 years later I am still asking why I didnt take that route, go medical research... I see it in my own life and it did not become apparent till I was in the hospital last week. When I asked the dr what causes Preclampsia, his response there is no explanation or cure for preclampsia. I was upset thinking to myself I am doing this to my body. Why would I continue to put my life at risk to bring new life into this world? I am so in over my head I remember thinking. Why cant I be the one to figure out what causes preclampsia and why the only cure is to take the baby out of my body.

A lot of thinking today... maybe to much. Idk.

My not so tiny baby anymore...

Remember this baby above? I cant believe she is 17 months old already?! She is so precious even now when she is screaming at me to get my attention when I am clearly in the middle of doing something. :) ( thats what kids are for? Right?!) Its hard to believe that she weighed 3 lbs 11 oz when she was born or that she was 9 weeks premature. But now as I am gearing up for addyson's birth I am realizing, Taylor is a toddler now. Whether I want to admit it or not she is. She isnt my "baby" anymore... addyson is going to fill that role here soon and taylor will become "mommy's big girl." I cant believe that she will be two when Nick returns for his mid tour leave... where does all the time go?

Waiting -- the hardest part.

so for those who do not know Nick and I decided together that it was best we join him in Korea once Addyson is 6 weeks old. This was a tough decision to some degree as I told Nick I will never ask him to do anything that would hurt his career... His response, "this is only going to help me." The first week apart was the hardest-- as I was reminded yesterday on several occasions. A mutual friend has a friend who is complaining about being apart from her husband for 5 DAYS... Seriously I laughed when I heard this first of all we are military. This is our life, although I put on a strong face ( for my daughter(s) and my husband) this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but who am I kidding that this is not by far the hardest thing my husband has had to deal with, being apart from his family, his daughter who is by far his "little" girl. He is going to miss the birth of his second daughter ( which also for those who dont know this is our last child...) But it is sacrifices like this that he makes that makes me extremely proud of him. He is trained duty to his country over his family life, whether we like this at times or not fellow military spouses this is what it is.

Im blessed with family and friends who are here to support me. I could never be more thankful.

Its been a week...

WE got this!! Finally getting down to a schedule - I talk to nick two times a day right now ( or more depending on his schedule...) He got a korean cell phone which allows me to text him from skype or my phone if I NEED him...

Some of the anxiety has worn off until I have a morning like this morning-- Being a single parent is tough I give kudos to mom's or dad's who do this! When I was in the hospital last week I had to rely on family to watch Taylor... She had a scheduled dr appointment on Friday and because her father is in Korea and I was in the hospital she could not go to her appointment... I called to cancel but because I did not call in the 24 hour time frame that was needed I am not being charged a fee of 25 dollars... Seriously!! grrr

I can not wait until march when Nick, Taylor, Addyson and I are reunited! 25 weeks to go we got this!!!

A blur of a week...

Im gonna try and stay positive as this is not the hardest thing I have ever gone through- right? Losing 2 of my 3 parents before the age of 21 ya that was pretty hard... My husband leaving for a year - a piece of cake? ( not exactly) But it definetly is a little easier than dealing with death. Here is the run down on the last week.

Monday- Our good friends Nathan and Krista came to Nicks mother's house for the day - it was a fun day full of good food ( olive garden ) and games.

Tuesday- Bright and early we arrived at the air port to drop Nick off, after crying half way there I thought I was doing alright until the check in lady told us we could go all the way to the gate with nick... so i battled through air port security the whole time thinking maybe this would have been easier to say bye at the door... but im glad we didnt, for Nick got to spend a couple more minutes with his family. We watched Nick board the plane and then we left to come home...

Around 9 Nick called to say he landed safetly in San Fransisco and we talked for about half hour... then he boarded the plane for korea- let me just say that was the longest 12 hours of my life...

at 11 Taylor had her early intervention evaluation, other than her speech and problem solving skills she is doing "ok" As monday night she stood for the first time by herself, her gross motor skills are improving and at this point because of taylor's laid back personality there is no need for physical therapy. However speech there is a lot of concern. SO this following tuesday the speech therapist will be coming out to evaluate taylor.

Wednesday was difficult- I was not feeling good and taylor wasnt either... but we survived it and welcome to thursday

So far today has been rough I miss Nick and he misses us so it makes it difficult for us not to get emotional when we talk on the phone... BUT we will get through this we always get through things!!!

Well I love you all and thanks for the support!

Two years has gone so fast...

The 10th of this month marks our 2 year anniversary... WHOA. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined that at just 2 years of marriage we would have a one year old daughter and another daughter on the way... I would have never thought in just 2 years my husband would be missing the birth of our second daughter, but such is the military life.

What Can I say about Nick that I havent already said? He is the most supportive husband, supporting my decision to finish my masters even when it meant financially we would be hurting, He supported me when I was told no more kids ( which is fine by me), He supported me when my dads "death" anniversary came around-- allowing me to just sit for most of the day staring at a photo, When Taylor got really sick for the first time he was there, calm and collected -- while I was freaking out.

He is also the most understanding husband-- When Im angry about something, he helps me to examine all sides of what I am angry about and we work through it.

He is a Hero to our daughter actually probably more like her night in shining armor... everything is mommy where daddy? constantly and I love it-- Nick is an excellent father and strong male leader in our household...

So Nick thanks so much for being all and more of the above things! I love you, and Like I told you last night I would have never thought when I was in HS i would be marrying the love of my life at the age of 19-- some say we were to young, But I think we are proving them wrong now!!

So here is to many more years of happiness!