The End Is Near...

Im scared.

who wouldnt be when you realize that in six short weeks whether im ready or not Addyson is coming. Todays appointment was met with a little bit of anxiety and stress... I gained 3 pounds which is great! My bp was up which is not good. :( Starting November 9th I go to the OB two times a week for the rest of my pregnancy.

My husband still has not gone and booked his flight therefore Im unsure he will be here... I need strength through this as the birth of our daughter was not something I ever wanted to do alone

I can do this we can do this...I hope.

Brave Face.

I use to think people were just making comments to be "mean" - I brushed them off after venting to mum or one of my good friends... but lately I have been putting my BRAVE face on not only for myself - but for my daughter(s)... after all do I really want them learning from me how much I dislike the fact their dad is gone? IF they learn that from me, then I really did not do my part of the job - that is teaching them to be thankful for their fathers sacrifices that he makes to put food on the table and a roof over their heads.

I was told that I should let Taylor see me cry. I ask why? She saw mommy cry at the airport and she will see it many more times... but if I can wait and hold it in till she is in bed or im not with her, then why not? If she sees mommy being brave then she to will be brave with mommy! There is no need for me to be stressed out around her or emotional she will pick up on that and soon will be doing the same thing!

I am not saying that when I see a happy couple in the store or at dinner... or I hear about what my friends are doing with their spouses... that I dont cry on the inside. It makes my heart ache so much especially when I realize that Addyson could come anytime now and Nick will miss it. There is no waiting with my blood pressure.

Yes we are on the list to join Nick in Korea- this was a family decision as he is missing time with his girls. It might not be the place for him to bring his family - but trust me all the risks have been weighed and if it is meant for us to be there then the military will approve us... if not then God has other plans for us right now!

I can say that military life is not easy- but currently I have two good friends and one cousin who are living apart from their spouses so they to can be supported and fed and THEY arent military!

I have been blessed to meet a new friend here in Casa Grande whose boyfriend is stationed with Nick in Korea. ( they all went to HS together) It is an amazing support system that I have and I am soo thankful for everyone who has been there for me in the last couple of months

Sooo here it is 30 weeks tomorrow... Taylor came at 31.5 weeks. Please pray!!! Im anxious, nervous and scared... But again this is Gods planning... NOT MINE!!

A Beautiful woman inside and out.

I never thought the day would come that I would have to say so long to my last parent alive. But in 55 days I will tell the most beautiful woman in my life- my mum so long farewell... it wont be a goodbye yet. She is going home after 11 years the woman that came into my life and forever changed it for the better is going HOME- to Australia. I am overjoyed for her but at the same time saddened that I will no longer have any parents left alive in the United States.

Mum taught me so much, she came into my life when I was 10- a vulnerable time and im sure it was a stressful age for her to begin her "magic"... Man we argued through my teenage years, cried through the death of her husband and my father, rejoiced over the birth of Taylor, and again encouraged as my husband left for his first "deployment."

Through it all though she has always had words of encouragement, wisdom, and even some words that I didnt want to hear... also known to a teenager as ADVICE. I remember telling her when I was in the fifth grade that I was going to quit school... it was then a joke for the rest of my educational years, whenever I got frustrated or annoyed that I too was going to quit school again.

She also taught me a lot of things, like how to french braid - I learned on a barbie and to me this was the greatest thing ever. I practiced hours and hours until finally mum let me braid her hair... and even though it was incredibly slopppy and horrible looking she told me I did a great job! I remember when she first arrived in the country I didnt even give her a chance to settle in before we were sitting on my bed playing furby land over and over... I knew from that first moment this woman was going to change my life... little did I know it would be in ways that I can not explain.

I also remember high school graduation, she stood proud next to my father as I recieved my diploma and was waiting after with a huge hug and a kiss and good job im proud of you. She waited for me while I said congrats to all my friends and a few goodbyes. She even walked with me home holding me the whole way.

Mum there are several things that you have done for me that I know I am forgetting to mention. I am so "grateful" you came into my life and are truly the greatest mum any young woman could ever ask for! Although I am going to miss you a ton, I know that life has journey's that are meant to be taken and this for you is a journey.

so have fun be safe and remember I will always love you!!

My not so lil' baby anymore...

Taylor is 18 months old now!!! BOY how time flys... '
She is 24 pounds and wears a size 4 shoe.... ( for those who think that is small, it is but you gotta remember she is short like her momma!) We skipped size 3 altogether! She says, HI, Momma, Dadda, Me, Baby, Puppy, and Up. I think she says a couple more words but they are random and usually followed by jibberish. She holds everything to her ear and pretends she is talking on the phone... I think she is getting use to the fact thats how she talks to daddy!

I love her- Friday we had a photoshoot while i got my maternity pics done I cant wait to see the photos especially of mommy and Taylor!!!

Anyhow Its wayyyy past my bedtime... lol SO im gonna go get some shuteye so I can talk to nick when he gets off work!!

By the way I AM SO PROUD OF MY AIRMAN!! He deserves the encouragement!! Love you nick and cant wait till I get to see you again!!!

Do I dare say??

it seems like everything is falling into place... but it has not been easy at all... A month ago I sent my husband off to korea with a kiss, a small smile, and a come back to us alive in his ear. A month later I wont lie, there are times all I can do is cry- When Taylor says Dada or like the other day when she crawled around and screamed daddy at the top of her lungs.

I also wish he was here to take her trick or treating for the first time or to see her walk for the first time. But We have video and skype and all kinds of Technology these days.

Nick will be back for the birth of Addyson ( dec 13th to be exact... and its only costing us approx. 26 dollars.) Can you say PRAISE GOD.


SOOOO 9 weeks TO GO!!! We can and we will do this!!!

Complain complain complain

I will never understand why people feel the need to say random "crap" to me...

For instance here is a list that in the month Nick has been gone the following things have been said to me: ( whats shocking is people still say random "crap" to me.)

1. You arent going to be able to deal with two kids on your own... ( hmmm, did you just win the mother of the year award?)

2. At least my husband gets to be here for the birth of our daughter... ( hmmm, that one backfired on you didnt it?)

3. What a horrible thing for your husband to do - go to korea for a year even though you are pregnant and your children are young. ( hmmmm, such is the military life?)

4. Your husband is gone, oh my how are you ever going to survive a year? ( hmmmm, lets see not with your support obviously.)

There is more, but I want to share something a little more positive....

1. Today at the post office I was juggling Taylor and a package and the diaper bag and obviously addyson out in front of me... I get to the counter and my phone starts going off... The lady goes you can answer that, me shocked because I didnt want to be rude, replied thanks its my husband he is deployed right now... ( I say deployed because it is easier to explain to non military people) She said no no dont apologize answer your phone I will wait- Can I just say the line was already out the door.

2. The overwhelming support system I have- this past weekend like mentioned in a previous post I was able to enjoy some mommy time and had a break from Taylor.

Can I just please once again vent to people... if you DO NOT have anything nice or uplifting to say to me PLEASE DO NOT say anything to me at all ... and in fact do me a favor and delete my number/ off your FB whatever it may be.

Im so thinking a friend purge is needed soon.

I woke up this morning...

Saying bring it on week. I have had a rough last couple of nights of sleep, thankfully my daughter has slept so I have been able to at least doze. I blame the flu shot- the pregnancy- and even just anxiety to get things done.

A prayer was answered this morning when I recieved the call informing me that I no longer have a job. ( you might find it strange that I say this is a prayer answered ... but it is) Friday the board met to discuss what to do with me... as I am in such a high risk pregnancy at any point they would have to hire and train a replacement in like a matter of hours. So the only realistic thing would be to bring the person in before I went on bed rest. This is a huge prayer answered, now I can focus on only Taylor for a while and then of course starting preparing for Addyson's arrival.

I have also learned a lot in this last week- about my support system in general. Wow, I was able to go and get a pedicure and see a movie this weekend all childless. It was an amazing break but I was ready to get back to see my baby! Im also learning that people arent truly who I thought they were... But thats okay for I know the "truth" of situations and thats all I need to sleep or not to sleep at night! lol

Taylor has an evaluation again on thursday... im nervous for my daughter... Im sure she will do great she is doing much better develepomental wise- standing, speaking more, and even touching things texture wise that she wasnt before... I love her and am so thankful she is doing well!!

ooooo and Friday night I am going to a hs football game! LOL my alma matter is playing my husbands alma matter - to bad nick is not here to go with me to the game but believe me I will be texting him updates the entire time!!!

27 weeks down 10 to go!! Cant wait to meet Addyson Lynn and see my husband again ( so thankful they are sending him back for the birth- HUGE prayer answered. )

Its a great day to be alive...

Sooo people keep asking whats my secret? How am I so happy when at most times I should be sad/missing my husband. I ask... Can I not be happy and miss my husband? I am blessed beyond words... My husband is sacrificing time away from his family to serve his country, Taylor continues to be the light of my whole world and is teaching me patience and how to be "surprised", Addyson is doing alright considering my health issues and will be making her debut no later than December 15th, I am surrounded by great family who keeps me "occupied", I have friends who I love dearly and am so thankful that on a daily basis they are praying and making sure that I am taken care of. So yes it is a great day to be ALIVE- I have so many things to be thankful for that I dont have time to let the sadness of missing my husband consume me. Its our life - love it or hate it - This is the life we chose to live.

So start singing the song ITS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE I KNOW THE SUN STILL SHINING WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES!!!