Then you STAND.

For about a week now I have been struggling - positive Janine on the outside and negative Janine on the inside - Many people do not know this ( until now ) when something is really bothering me I keep it inside - only select people ( my husband ) know how to break the barrier to get inside and figure out what is wrong...

Lately I have been struggling with Taylor and Addyson... I have struggled with the fear that I will leave them before they are grown... I struggle with accepting Taylor and her challenges ( shocking - if you have something to say here - please do...) then I have guilt that we brought Addyson into our family and the challenges... But in the end I get back to I am thankful...

I think from all of my studies from college that I am struggling with a certain type of grief and I am having problems moving through the stages... I read a great book just recently titled Shouting At God - If I could link this I would - It really opened my eyes and has made me think... in a good way.

I think that in time the wounds will heal and I will be able to be happy but for now till friday after her therapies I just need to be me for a bit - not helping everyone else because when it comes down to it - How can I help others if I cant help myself and my own family?

xoxoxo