New Years Resolution

So I find myself not ever keeping these and would like a little accountability this year so here it goes :-)

#1 Be a better Mom... I want to understand Taylor better and have more patience when it comes to her tantrums.

# 2 Be a better friend... I often use the excuse I have two kids or even when I had one that I could not go and visit a friend because of it was to much.

# 3 Be a better wife... Mainly I need to understand my husband better and have patience with this separation.

# 4 Eat healthier... Fast food is okay only once every two weeks... ( this is going to be a challenge.)

# 5 Keep at least 3 of 4 of these resolutions.

There ya go!

Turning 22...

Whoa I cant believe a year has past since my last birthday. It really is true time flys when you are having fun! I had a lovely birthday spending time with my girls was the greatest gift of all!

Here is a quick update.

addyson- Eating 3- 4 oz every feeding and approx 2-4 hours apart. ( praise God) She is such a good baby, we really are blessed with amazing girls!

Taylor- this child continues to surprise me on a daily basis. walking everywhere now and talking so much more! Its not uncommon when she is getting into trouble and I start counting to three that she starts to repeat the numbers back to me. On that note she can count to 5 and says all kinds of things... way to many to list! She is being such a great big sister! Although we have our moments with her ( terrible twos) all in all taylor is doing great!

Nick- He is doing well - enjoying the snow ( haha) He sews on Sr Airman on the 2nd and is currently studying to take his test for staff srgt. ( in march)

Me- Im doing a little better. the girls keep me going and that I think is the best medicine!
I graduated from Grand Canyon Univeristy with a 4.0 and could not be any happier with the progress made at such a young age!

well thats all for now!

quick update

Update!

Youngest first- Addyson
she is doing soooo well! 19 days old now and is weighing in around 6 lbs and is 18 1/2 inches long. She eats 2 oz every feeding and is happy to be in her swing, on her tummy, or in someones loving arms. :)

Taylor-
She is doing soooo well also! Walking a lot more now, although she has figured out crawling gets her there faster! She is talking all the time ( wonder who she gets that from?) and is developing right on track now!

Me-

I have my up days and down days... battling the realization that I will never be pregnant again- but at the same time it is the smartest thing that i have ever done as my health comes first...I want to be around to see my girls have kids which is at least another 30 years!! ( haha) All in all though I am enjoying being a mommy to two beautiful girls. I am battling a bit of depression as I have been dealing with a lot between being in the hospital, to sending my husband back to korea, to even sending my only parent back to australia... and although I am happy for her it has been a huge shock to me to realize that if I needed her it would take a lot more than a 400 dollar plane ticket... Stressful it has been with the happenings in korea... i dont think anyone fully understnads unless your spouse is there.

Nick-
He is doing good. He sews on sr airman ( 3 stripes) on january 2nd and I could not be more proud of him! He has started the studying to test for staff srgt. ( which will happen sometime in march!)... I really could not ask for a better husband, he has been supportive of me through the tears, encouraged me when I need it ( which is almost all the time now) and has put up with my anger and stress more than he should have to. But he does it and thats what makes him a true hero in my eyes....

Adelaide - is doing good.


well happy holidays and merry christmas!!!

Announcing!!!!

I am sorry that I haven't updated this in a while - i have had a rough last 3 weeks...

it started with a routine NST to the OB ( non stress test.) My BP was 145/100 and the OB on call was rather concerned so he sent me over to OB triage at Banner Estrella to have further labs drawn. Well when those came back abnormal he was even more concerned but let me go home to complete the 24 hour urine collection to be returned to the triage on sunday morning.

I woke up sunday morning feeling great. A little anxious but other than that I felt great. when the results came back even more abnormal than what they were on friday. Thus began my three week hospital stay.

oh the headaches... man they were the absolute worse part of this whole pregnancy and I was for sure done after two days of them... I had to deal with them for 2 and a half weeks before they delivered. Let me tell you first I hate taking pain medicine... I am a wimp with pain but I hate taking medicine since it usually makes me really tired.... I did not have a choice, if I didnt take the pain meds I was curled up in bed and was not able to function at all.

Addyson Lynn was born on December 1st at 7 09 pm and weighed in at 5 lbs 8 oz and was 17 3/4 long.

At her last checkup she weighed 5 lbs even and was still 17 3/4 long.

and thus begins the journey of being a mommy to two beautiful girls!

Happy Veteran's Day 2010.

I can not express my gratitude enough to the men and women who have served or are serving in our military - All to protect the freedom we all enjoy!

Someone sent me a text this morning- ( not sure who as I dont know the number...) telling me thankyou for the sacrifice that I make as a military spouse. A year ago I would have shrugged this off as I dont do anything, my husband was stationed in America, had never been anywhere, and at that point was not going anywhere. I was not having to make any sacrifices... what my husband worked a "job" like any other spouse... I guess what I am saying is this year I truly feel the sacrifices that we have to make as a family. But this has only made me stronger... It has only made my relationship with my husband that much sweeter.

I cant wait till my daughters can tell their father how thankful they are that he is making sacrifices for them!

I love you Nick Pomeroy and thank you again ( i know I say it a lot...) for all that you do!

What I have learned...

- I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.
- I am a great mom even when I dont believe in myself.
- I have an amazing husband, who I will proudly stand next to even when I want to crumble.
- I have a pretty great support system.
- I have the most amazing daughter... She continues to surprise me even when I think she is done surprising me.


I have learned a few other things... about myself and what I am capable of doing.

But most of all here is to the rest of this week may it be quiet!

31 weeks 5 days...

Holy COW I made it- assuming I make it to midnight tonight!

Taylor Ann came at 31 weeks and 5 days - I woke up this morning crying realizing I had made it to 31 weeks and 6 days... I have an amazing OB who has controlled my BP enough to allow Addyson to stay inside for as long as possible.

But let me assure you it has not been an easy road to get to this point. I have battled my bp with the meds, had contractions, and most of all my husband is over 5000 miles away in another country and I am taking care of an 18 month old ( who thankfully is not a handful.)

We got this and I am so ready to make it all the way to 37 weeks!!!!!

Love me for me...

This morning I was listening to JJ heller when her new song came on Love me... I stopped and listened to the lyrics closely the chorus talks about who will love me for me and not what I have become... I think this speaks volumes as at the end of the song the chorus changes to I will love you for you and for what you have become.

I got to thinking how this is true for the unconditional love of your children. As some of you know as I mentioned in previous blog posts I was a horrible teenager... Horrible, I treated mum like she was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life... when at the time I didnt realize that I was blaming her for my moms death and I needed to come to terms with that .... Im so thankfult now Mum and I have a great relationship. But if she wouldnt have loved me for me and for what I was becoming then where would she be today? She had that unconditional love for me the same as our heavenly father has for us!

I know that there is nothing absolutly nothing that either of my girls could ever do to break the Love I have for them both. Im so thankful today!! Needed to hear this song!

I can see MOM.

Look at my new glasses!!! I was so excited to finally be able to see that I kept them on for 3 hours straight!

She is doing great! Her reaction when she realized she could see ten times better was priceless. An Ah thankyou came out of her mouth and a HUGE smile. Makes my heart melt everytime I think of it!

She looks so grown up with her glasses and I think we will give her the nickname professor Taylor. Ah gorgeous!

alright thats all for now!!

More later!!

Peace

31 WEEKS

Whew I made it so far... Taylor came at 31 weeks and 5 days... I plan on making it past that this time...

But granted I have that dreaded fear that Addyson is going to try and make her debut a little earlier than we want her to. :( But its life we will make it and Nick will be home in december for at least 10 days... oh how I miss him!

I cant believe that there is only 6 weeks left to go! Addyson will be here before we know it and I am more than ready to take on a new challenge!!!

Bring it on!!!

PEace

The End Is Near...

Im scared.

who wouldnt be when you realize that in six short weeks whether im ready or not Addyson is coming. Todays appointment was met with a little bit of anxiety and stress... I gained 3 pounds which is great! My bp was up which is not good. :( Starting November 9th I go to the OB two times a week for the rest of my pregnancy.

My husband still has not gone and booked his flight therefore Im unsure he will be here... I need strength through this as the birth of our daughter was not something I ever wanted to do alone

I can do this we can do this...I hope.

Brave Face.

I use to think people were just making comments to be "mean" - I brushed them off after venting to mum or one of my good friends... but lately I have been putting my BRAVE face on not only for myself - but for my daughter(s)... after all do I really want them learning from me how much I dislike the fact their dad is gone? IF they learn that from me, then I really did not do my part of the job - that is teaching them to be thankful for their fathers sacrifices that he makes to put food on the table and a roof over their heads.

I was told that I should let Taylor see me cry. I ask why? She saw mommy cry at the airport and she will see it many more times... but if I can wait and hold it in till she is in bed or im not with her, then why not? If she sees mommy being brave then she to will be brave with mommy! There is no need for me to be stressed out around her or emotional she will pick up on that and soon will be doing the same thing!

I am not saying that when I see a happy couple in the store or at dinner... or I hear about what my friends are doing with their spouses... that I dont cry on the inside. It makes my heart ache so much especially when I realize that Addyson could come anytime now and Nick will miss it. There is no waiting with my blood pressure.

Yes we are on the list to join Nick in Korea- this was a family decision as he is missing time with his girls. It might not be the place for him to bring his family - but trust me all the risks have been weighed and if it is meant for us to be there then the military will approve us... if not then God has other plans for us right now!

I can say that military life is not easy- but currently I have two good friends and one cousin who are living apart from their spouses so they to can be supported and fed and THEY arent military!

I have been blessed to meet a new friend here in Casa Grande whose boyfriend is stationed with Nick in Korea. ( they all went to HS together) It is an amazing support system that I have and I am soo thankful for everyone who has been there for me in the last couple of months

Sooo here it is 30 weeks tomorrow... Taylor came at 31.5 weeks. Please pray!!! Im anxious, nervous and scared... But again this is Gods planning... NOT MINE!!

A Beautiful woman inside and out.

I never thought the day would come that I would have to say so long to my last parent alive. But in 55 days I will tell the most beautiful woman in my life- my mum so long farewell... it wont be a goodbye yet. She is going home after 11 years the woman that came into my life and forever changed it for the better is going HOME- to Australia. I am overjoyed for her but at the same time saddened that I will no longer have any parents left alive in the United States.

Mum taught me so much, she came into my life when I was 10- a vulnerable time and im sure it was a stressful age for her to begin her "magic"... Man we argued through my teenage years, cried through the death of her husband and my father, rejoiced over the birth of Taylor, and again encouraged as my husband left for his first "deployment."

Through it all though she has always had words of encouragement, wisdom, and even some words that I didnt want to hear... also known to a teenager as ADVICE. I remember telling her when I was in the fifth grade that I was going to quit school... it was then a joke for the rest of my educational years, whenever I got frustrated or annoyed that I too was going to quit school again.

She also taught me a lot of things, like how to french braid - I learned on a barbie and to me this was the greatest thing ever. I practiced hours and hours until finally mum let me braid her hair... and even though it was incredibly slopppy and horrible looking she told me I did a great job! I remember when she first arrived in the country I didnt even give her a chance to settle in before we were sitting on my bed playing furby land over and over... I knew from that first moment this woman was going to change my life... little did I know it would be in ways that I can not explain.

I also remember high school graduation, she stood proud next to my father as I recieved my diploma and was waiting after with a huge hug and a kiss and good job im proud of you. She waited for me while I said congrats to all my friends and a few goodbyes. She even walked with me home holding me the whole way.

Mum there are several things that you have done for me that I know I am forgetting to mention. I am so "grateful" you came into my life and are truly the greatest mum any young woman could ever ask for! Although I am going to miss you a ton, I know that life has journey's that are meant to be taken and this for you is a journey.

so have fun be safe and remember I will always love you!!

My not so lil' baby anymore...

Taylor is 18 months old now!!! BOY how time flys... '
She is 24 pounds and wears a size 4 shoe.... ( for those who think that is small, it is but you gotta remember she is short like her momma!) We skipped size 3 altogether! She says, HI, Momma, Dadda, Me, Baby, Puppy, and Up. I think she says a couple more words but they are random and usually followed by jibberish. She holds everything to her ear and pretends she is talking on the phone... I think she is getting use to the fact thats how she talks to daddy!

I love her- Friday we had a photoshoot while i got my maternity pics done I cant wait to see the photos especially of mommy and Taylor!!!

Anyhow Its wayyyy past my bedtime... lol SO im gonna go get some shuteye so I can talk to nick when he gets off work!!

By the way I AM SO PROUD OF MY AIRMAN!! He deserves the encouragement!! Love you nick and cant wait till I get to see you again!!!

Do I dare say??

it seems like everything is falling into place... but it has not been easy at all... A month ago I sent my husband off to korea with a kiss, a small smile, and a come back to us alive in his ear. A month later I wont lie, there are times all I can do is cry- When Taylor says Dada or like the other day when she crawled around and screamed daddy at the top of her lungs.

I also wish he was here to take her trick or treating for the first time or to see her walk for the first time. But We have video and skype and all kinds of Technology these days.

Nick will be back for the birth of Addyson ( dec 13th to be exact... and its only costing us approx. 26 dollars.) Can you say PRAISE GOD.


SOOOO 9 weeks TO GO!!! We can and we will do this!!!

Complain complain complain

I will never understand why people feel the need to say random "crap" to me...

For instance here is a list that in the month Nick has been gone the following things have been said to me: ( whats shocking is people still say random "crap" to me.)

1. You arent going to be able to deal with two kids on your own... ( hmmm, did you just win the mother of the year award?)

2. At least my husband gets to be here for the birth of our daughter... ( hmmm, that one backfired on you didnt it?)

3. What a horrible thing for your husband to do - go to korea for a year even though you are pregnant and your children are young. ( hmmmm, such is the military life?)

4. Your husband is gone, oh my how are you ever going to survive a year? ( hmmmm, lets see not with your support obviously.)

There is more, but I want to share something a little more positive....

1. Today at the post office I was juggling Taylor and a package and the diaper bag and obviously addyson out in front of me... I get to the counter and my phone starts going off... The lady goes you can answer that, me shocked because I didnt want to be rude, replied thanks its my husband he is deployed right now... ( I say deployed because it is easier to explain to non military people) She said no no dont apologize answer your phone I will wait- Can I just say the line was already out the door.

2. The overwhelming support system I have- this past weekend like mentioned in a previous post I was able to enjoy some mommy time and had a break from Taylor.

Can I just please once again vent to people... if you DO NOT have anything nice or uplifting to say to me PLEASE DO NOT say anything to me at all ... and in fact do me a favor and delete my number/ off your FB whatever it may be.

Im so thinking a friend purge is needed soon.

I woke up this morning...

Saying bring it on week. I have had a rough last couple of nights of sleep, thankfully my daughter has slept so I have been able to at least doze. I blame the flu shot- the pregnancy- and even just anxiety to get things done.

A prayer was answered this morning when I recieved the call informing me that I no longer have a job. ( you might find it strange that I say this is a prayer answered ... but it is) Friday the board met to discuss what to do with me... as I am in such a high risk pregnancy at any point they would have to hire and train a replacement in like a matter of hours. So the only realistic thing would be to bring the person in before I went on bed rest. This is a huge prayer answered, now I can focus on only Taylor for a while and then of course starting preparing for Addyson's arrival.

I have also learned a lot in this last week- about my support system in general. Wow, I was able to go and get a pedicure and see a movie this weekend all childless. It was an amazing break but I was ready to get back to see my baby! Im also learning that people arent truly who I thought they were... But thats okay for I know the "truth" of situations and thats all I need to sleep or not to sleep at night! lol

Taylor has an evaluation again on thursday... im nervous for my daughter... Im sure she will do great she is doing much better develepomental wise- standing, speaking more, and even touching things texture wise that she wasnt before... I love her and am so thankful she is doing well!!

ooooo and Friday night I am going to a hs football game! LOL my alma matter is playing my husbands alma matter - to bad nick is not here to go with me to the game but believe me I will be texting him updates the entire time!!!

27 weeks down 10 to go!! Cant wait to meet Addyson Lynn and see my husband again ( so thankful they are sending him back for the birth- HUGE prayer answered. )

Its a great day to be alive...

Sooo people keep asking whats my secret? How am I so happy when at most times I should be sad/missing my husband. I ask... Can I not be happy and miss my husband? I am blessed beyond words... My husband is sacrificing time away from his family to serve his country, Taylor continues to be the light of my whole world and is teaching me patience and how to be "surprised", Addyson is doing alright considering my health issues and will be making her debut no later than December 15th, I am surrounded by great family who keeps me "occupied", I have friends who I love dearly and am so thankful that on a daily basis they are praying and making sure that I am taken care of. So yes it is a great day to be ALIVE- I have so many things to be thankful for that I dont have time to let the sadness of missing my husband consume me. Its our life - love it or hate it - This is the life we chose to live.

So start singing the song ITS A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE I KNOW THE SUN STILL SHINING WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES!!!

11 weeks to go...

Wow! I cant believe how fast time is going!! Lately I have been busy with Taylor, dr appointments, my first trip to the dentist to have "work" done - Oh and a 3d ultra sound of Addyson Lynn. Where should I Start?

Ill start with Taylor-

She now Can stand all by herself, for me this is a HUGE accomplishment and I am ecstatic everytime she does it!
She walks all over the house with her walker- and has taken 3 steps by herself... it wont be long!
She was cleared by the early interventionist to not need any therapies- they believe she is just laid back and will do things on her own time.
She knows how to stack blocks now! wooo I worked on this for 2 weeks with her and believe me there were many times we both wanted to throw the blocks at each other!
She cuddles with her baby well and all of her toys!
She can eat a WHOLE banana -- im not kidding she is a eating machine!

So to wrap up on Taylor - I could go on and on... She is doing great considering she was 9 weeks early. :) Thank goodness it could have been worse.

On to Addyson Lynn

she rolls from side to side now in my tummy.
She has the hiccups at least once a day.
She weighs around 1 lb 10 oz ( yes I know that seems tiny, give her a break! )
Everything looks great!

Again I could go on forever about my girls but ill save some for later!

On to Nick.

He is finally settling in to the swing of things in Korea. Although we miss each other very much this is a "bump" in our marriage that we will look back on and say "yay us we survived it!" He knows a couple of the guys that he works with and finally went out with them for a guys night the other night. ( i was proud.) <--- cheesy huh? lol Looks like if things go well he will be here in december for the birth, something we were both unsure about him getting to do but decided to take our chances and send him to Korea anyways... Im glad we did! Right now his only complaint is the amount of walking he has to do oh and the food... except for the Cake ( he eats a piece every night)

A quick update on myself.
I am doing fine. A little bit exhausted these days but I am embracing this "single" motherhood with open arms as Taylor and I have bonded in a way that we had not previous to Nick leaving. I do miss my husband I miss him a lot but I am so proud of his service and the sacrifices he is making to serve his country! Health wise things are looking a lot better since I was in the hospital, it was a wake up call to take care of myself. My BP has been normal and controlled with the medicine, Im just praying that I can hold Addyson in till december! My goal however is 34 weeks but I will keep pushing week by week after that!

I need to stop here and say a couple of thankyou's -

Mum- Thanks for keeping me sane without your level head I think these last 3 weeks I would have wanted to give up throw in the towel, but you didnt let me. Im gonna miss you heaps when you leave in ( 11 weeks) but i know that your happiness is far greater than me missing you. ( if that makes sense.) and we will be visiting next christmas you can count on it!

To my mother in law- geez i got lucky when it comes to having a mother in law. Most in laws would not have done what you did. Allowed me to live here helped me with Taylor and on top of it you sit with me at appointments! Thanks. Between you and becca and the rest of the family I have been able to keep my mind occupied!


whew I think im done - lol

well peace out readers and enjoy the rest of your week!! I know I will!!!

woooooooo 11 weeks to go!!!

whatever happened to...

People who are considerate of others feelings?
People who dont respond to comments rudely?
People who ask you before they assume something?

Please dont waste your time nor my time if you do not have something nice to say. Seriously did your mother or father or whoever raised you not raise you the right way?


I wish I was the type of person to just walk away from people after they treat me like this unfortunately I take my friendships seriously and am a forgiving person. I dont know why some of the stuff that has been said to me in the last couple of weeks has been down right hateful.

URGH

our greatest fear is fear itself.

I dont usually reveal many of my fears but I think it is time to start. So if you dont want to read this thats okay. I need to tell someone and this is the way I am choosing to do so.

For every fear I am going to try to find someway to overcome it:

I have the fear of loosing another parent ( i only have one left -- I was blessed with three parents.)

I have the fear of something happening to my husband.

I have the fear of not being in control of situations.

I have the fear of hospitals ( this stems from both parents being in the hospital.)

I have the fear of something happening to either one of my daughters.

I have the fear of the NICU and that what happened with Taylor is going to happen with Addyson.

I have a fear of delivering addyson without my husband.

I have the fear that one day I to will pass on and leave my girls and husband behind.

But through all of these fears I am only stronger because I will survive them. My husband is a great support from which I draw all of my strength from. He may not be able to be here for the birth of our daughter ( who is our last child we will be having ) But he is doing something far greater than being here and I am proud of him. Addyson and Taylor both will one day complain about their father being away doing his duty to his country and I too will be able to comfort their fears. I guess that is another fear I have dealing with my childrens fears.

Thanks for reading this.

The reason my first major was Microbiology.

There are times when I remember why I made certain decisions. Like the decision of my first major-- microbiology. Both my parents died from Congestive Heart Failure. To some im sure you are thinking whats the big deal? They were your parents that should be enough, right? No it was not enough that they were my parents -- what did me in was when my mothers cardiologist told me there was no cure. At ten I knew that there was no cure, it was a waiting game. When my father was diagnosed with CHF at the age of 16 I was upset that I knew it would be yet another waiting game. So it was the decision that I felt I needed to find the cure for CHF.

Now 11 years later I am still asking why I didnt take that route, go medical research... I see it in my own life and it did not become apparent till I was in the hospital last week. When I asked the dr what causes Preclampsia, his response there is no explanation or cure for preclampsia. I was upset thinking to myself I am doing this to my body. Why would I continue to put my life at risk to bring new life into this world? I am so in over my head I remember thinking. Why cant I be the one to figure out what causes preclampsia and why the only cure is to take the baby out of my body.

A lot of thinking today... maybe to much. Idk.

My not so tiny baby anymore...

Remember this baby above? I cant believe she is 17 months old already?! She is so precious even now when she is screaming at me to get my attention when I am clearly in the middle of doing something. :) ( thats what kids are for? Right?!) Its hard to believe that she weighed 3 lbs 11 oz when she was born or that she was 9 weeks premature. But now as I am gearing up for addyson's birth I am realizing, Taylor is a toddler now. Whether I want to admit it or not she is. She isnt my "baby" anymore... addyson is going to fill that role here soon and taylor will become "mommy's big girl." I cant believe that she will be two when Nick returns for his mid tour leave... where does all the time go?

Waiting -- the hardest part.

so for those who do not know Nick and I decided together that it was best we join him in Korea once Addyson is 6 weeks old. This was a tough decision to some degree as I told Nick I will never ask him to do anything that would hurt his career... His response, "this is only going to help me." The first week apart was the hardest-- as I was reminded yesterday on several occasions. A mutual friend has a friend who is complaining about being apart from her husband for 5 DAYS... Seriously I laughed when I heard this first of all we are military. This is our life, although I put on a strong face ( for my daughter(s) and my husband) this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but who am I kidding that this is not by far the hardest thing my husband has had to deal with, being apart from his family, his daughter who is by far his "little" girl. He is going to miss the birth of his second daughter ( which also for those who dont know this is our last child...) But it is sacrifices like this that he makes that makes me extremely proud of him. He is trained duty to his country over his family life, whether we like this at times or not fellow military spouses this is what it is.

Im blessed with family and friends who are here to support me. I could never be more thankful.

Its been a week...

WE got this!! Finally getting down to a schedule - I talk to nick two times a day right now ( or more depending on his schedule...) He got a korean cell phone which allows me to text him from skype or my phone if I NEED him...

Some of the anxiety has worn off until I have a morning like this morning-- Being a single parent is tough I give kudos to mom's or dad's who do this! When I was in the hospital last week I had to rely on family to watch Taylor... She had a scheduled dr appointment on Friday and because her father is in Korea and I was in the hospital she could not go to her appointment... I called to cancel but because I did not call in the 24 hour time frame that was needed I am not being charged a fee of 25 dollars... Seriously!! grrr

I can not wait until march when Nick, Taylor, Addyson and I are reunited! 25 weeks to go we got this!!!

A blur of a week...

Im gonna try and stay positive as this is not the hardest thing I have ever gone through- right? Losing 2 of my 3 parents before the age of 21 ya that was pretty hard... My husband leaving for a year - a piece of cake? ( not exactly) But it definetly is a little easier than dealing with death. Here is the run down on the last week.

Monday- Our good friends Nathan and Krista came to Nicks mother's house for the day - it was a fun day full of good food ( olive garden ) and games.

Tuesday- Bright and early we arrived at the air port to drop Nick off, after crying half way there I thought I was doing alright until the check in lady told us we could go all the way to the gate with nick... so i battled through air port security the whole time thinking maybe this would have been easier to say bye at the door... but im glad we didnt, for Nick got to spend a couple more minutes with his family. We watched Nick board the plane and then we left to come home...

Around 9 Nick called to say he landed safetly in San Fransisco and we talked for about half hour... then he boarded the plane for korea- let me just say that was the longest 12 hours of my life...

at 11 Taylor had her early intervention evaluation, other than her speech and problem solving skills she is doing "ok" As monday night she stood for the first time by herself, her gross motor skills are improving and at this point because of taylor's laid back personality there is no need for physical therapy. However speech there is a lot of concern. SO this following tuesday the speech therapist will be coming out to evaluate taylor.

Wednesday was difficult- I was not feeling good and taylor wasnt either... but we survived it and welcome to thursday

So far today has been rough I miss Nick and he misses us so it makes it difficult for us not to get emotional when we talk on the phone... BUT we will get through this we always get through things!!!

Well I love you all and thanks for the support!

Two years has gone so fast...

The 10th of this month marks our 2 year anniversary... WHOA. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined that at just 2 years of marriage we would have a one year old daughter and another daughter on the way... I would have never thought in just 2 years my husband would be missing the birth of our second daughter, but such is the military life.

What Can I say about Nick that I havent already said? He is the most supportive husband, supporting my decision to finish my masters even when it meant financially we would be hurting, He supported me when I was told no more kids ( which is fine by me), He supported me when my dads "death" anniversary came around-- allowing me to just sit for most of the day staring at a photo, When Taylor got really sick for the first time he was there, calm and collected -- while I was freaking out.

He is also the most understanding husband-- When Im angry about something, he helps me to examine all sides of what I am angry about and we work through it.

He is a Hero to our daughter actually probably more like her night in shining armor... everything is mommy where daddy? constantly and I love it-- Nick is an excellent father and strong male leader in our household...

So Nick thanks so much for being all and more of the above things! I love you, and Like I told you last night I would have never thought when I was in HS i would be marrying the love of my life at the age of 19-- some say we were to young, But I think we are proving them wrong now!!

So here is to many more years of happiness!

Manners.

I grew up in the south. ( I really could stop here.) Kids are taught to say yes mam and no mam to EVERYONE including their parents, in school the teachers were always Mrs or Mr ( last Name) not Hey! last name or first name, and people were polite, kind and curtious.

Arizona people are the opposite or maybe its just the ones I seem to come in contact with. Dont get me wrong I have great friends here, but im so ready to get to NC where people offer to help with things before I even ask... Im privelged to have met a great friend who is just like this. She lives next door. Yesterday after seeing how stressed I was even on top of her many problems and her own stress she stopped what she was doing and came over and started packing... I didnt have to say a word. You have no idea how much I am going to miss her she has def helped me through a lot, including this upcoming year...

I also have friends in Tucson who have stepped up and have let me know that anything I need while nick is gone just ask. ( a bunch of people have said this, But I know that the select few in Tucson actually mean it. ) Yesterday Kami came to take me to lunch, to get me out of the chaos of packing and so I would actually take a break.... she said something that really hit home... " Janine You shouldnt be packing and moving stuff, but instead as high risk as you are should be sitting and letting your friends and family help. It is true I should be but unfortunately many friends have kids or are already in Tucson at school and although the later would love to be here to help, its just not possible.

A lot of people come to Arizona and love it -- I unfortunately only loved it as a kid since I could be in the swimming pool year round, People without manners didnt bother me, and certainly the heat didnt bother me. But now as I realize that in a year I will be on the other side of the country, my mum will be back in Australia, My brother doing whatever it is he does... and the rest of our family spread out that really all I need is my husband and two girls.

So here is to the next year! May it be full of good manners, awesome people, and go by quickly so my little family of almost 4 can be together again.

A little bit of encouraging news.

So a lot has happened in the last couple of days...
Lets start with Taylor.

She succesfully claps now. For me this brought tears to my eyes, all of her friends started clapping long ago and I was thinking she would never do it... but at 16 months she clapped. and yes the proud mom I am took video which you can see on FB. I was thrilled.

She is doing this new yoga looking pose that Katie W. Dubbed the downward dog ( or is that an actual pose?) Im sure it wont be long till she decides to get up and go.

She says Me.... whenever I ask her a question... this is better than the barking we were getting for a couple of days. She is truly surprising.

Ok on to Nick...

today is his last day of work, so in about two and a half hours, He will be done working here at Luke afb... I never thought this day would ever come. He outprocesses the rest of the week, Than he is all mine till he leaves.

and me,
well lets just say I have had my fair share of excitement, addyson kicks all the time...and im enjoying the time I have with nick even if Its only for another 2 weeks. School is keeping me occupied as well as Taylor.

Im loving being a mom. Thanks to everyone who has been supportive and helped out anyway that they can! Gonna miss living on base!

Janine

...

What scares me the most out of Nick leaving for a year is suddenly I cant be in control... When my mother died I was 10, when my father died I was 20.... I never felt more out of control than those two times... Yes nick is going to Korea, but that is still in another country where I cant just easily get to him if something happens... Im not in control.

I just pray that these next 2 weeks go slower than ever... I need every moment.

Peace

update.

so here is a quick update in the pomeroy household...

Nick is going to be going to work functioning on 3 hours of sleep... thats what happens when you are a concerned daddy and want to know whats wrong with your baby!

taylor has pneumonia bad enough she should have been admitted into the hospital but because she was "happy" they decided she would be okay at home... right? geez

Addison is growing growing growing!! She should be making her debut as late as the second week in december...and as early as the last week in october!

Im doing alright hanging in there 72 hours with no sleep has been tough but those times at 2 am when I can actually think are meant for a reason... so here is to night 4 of no sleep!

Ill try and update you more as I know a little more especially on tay!

thanks for the prayers!!

You never let go.

Amazing morning so far...

I actually have the energy to clean... for those of you who know I have been exhausted lately so to be able to finally clean is a miracle! But while I was cleaning two things happened... I always have Klove playing when I am cleaning or just relaxing... it is a positive influence on my life and often reminds me that I am loved by God and He will always be there for me!! Anyways the first thing that happened was this...they came on and were talking about being a mother and how hard it is when you are not a mother to remember things and how they appreciate their own mothers who always remembered things even when they didnt.... this took me by surprise as I knew mum did a lot while we were growing up but until I became a mother I didnt know what exactly she did... whoa. I am thankful... it seems like she was always doing "behind the scenes work" I know this because I am constantly doing something for Taylor... I wouldnt trade it for the world. But what hit me is usually I have Nick helping me with whatever it is... and for a year I am it I will be doing it all for not just one kid but two... whoa.

anyways this song came on the radio my matt redman, "you never let go" I love love love this song... to know that our God will never let go of us even in the midst of the greatest storms of our lives...for me that has been the death of my parents, the premature birth of my daughter, nick leaving for a year, and the most important I think marriage ( this is not a storm but a struggle and a challenge.)
This has been a great morning and eye opening one at that!!

Time to cherish these last couple of weeks before Nick leaves...

names names names.

addison lynn pomeroy.

Who would have thought that in a million years I would be having another girl... But lucky for me I love baby girls!!!

after the great debate yesterday ( I have to know what to call her inside of me) haha we finally decided on Addison with the help of her big sister Taylor. This is great and awesome as we wanted a very pretty name and we got one.... addison was one of the names we had picked out for tay and after talking to my aunt yesterday she said it was one of the few names that my own mom had picked out for me.... I had to continue the tradition....

someone asked me if I cared if there was already an addison in my side of the family and the answer is no... I would name my child whatever I wanted even if it was the name of my best friends child... the fact is people this is our daughter we will name her what we want and if you dont like it then thats fine.

anyways Lynn is nicks Mothers middle name, and as you all know Taylor Ann has my Mum's middle name so we decided to keep the tradition going... :) who knows if we decide to have a third there is always the option of susan which was my mothers middle name... haha NOT

So little addy is jumping around in her mommies tummy ready for something else to eat. I cant wait till she makes her debut then little addison lynn can be shared with everyone that cares about her so dearly!!!

Peace out!

Thankful

Yesterday as a lot of you know was very stressful... I started bleeding around 12 30 pm yesterday and of course the first thought that pops into your mind is a miscarriage... I was scared to the point that I didnt even want to tell my husband, for it it was a miscarriage there wasnt much anyone could do about it.

well things fell into place and I was scheduled an appointment to have an ultra sound done just so they could check the baby.... well by this time I had surely "freaked" out my next door neighbor although she was the calm one in the situation... ( thanks Emily!!)
I had texted my other friend Ericka Stultz who sprung into action to make sure I was taken care of immediatly, even though she is going through a lot right now... and how can I forget the Tande's one call was all it took to find Tay somewhere to go play for a bit while mommy and daddy went to check on her little sibling.

When Ericka and I arrived at the high risk ob i was shaking... out of fear or anxiety or maybe both im not sure... once I got into the ultra sound room... I was almost in tears and could barely get out the words "is my baby ok?" before she turned on the volume so I could hear the heartbeat... beating at 150 beats per min I was estactic... relief flooded through me and my body finally relaxed to the point where the exhaustion starting setting in.

But I knew that there was still one question to be answered what was causing the bleeding and how do we get it to stop... That would not be answered until later, instead by this point Nick had arrived and we were able to enjoy our little bundle of joy on the monitor and relax...

Then the moment had come.... she asked if we wanted to know what we were having??? I said of course and nick let out a over excited yes... IT IS A GIRL.... I am just relieved that she is healthy and growing on time. :)

So now im off to go sort through all of taylors clothes from preemie to 12 months.... Thanks for the prayers and thank you friends for stepping in at just the right time... I am truly fortunate to have great friends. :)

Teach me to number my days...

Funny how a lot of thinking goes into Nick leaving in september... I feel like im the one loosing it when no one else understands or they just refuse to talk about it... Luckily I have a great friend in Texas whose husband was gone a year and she understands everything... has made me realize that it will be hard but eventually I will get into my own routine and get over that initial shock of him leaving... its hard for me to grasp it really is.... I know he is leaving I know this, but what I cant wrap my mind around is the length of time he will be gone...

Good thing I have family and friends to get me through it, and I hope they understand when all I need is to cry... not to talk or go out and do something... Nick and I had a conversation this morning that went like this,

Me- Im scared.
Nick- me too.
Me- Really?
Nick- Yes.

then the tears started.

We will trust every day that God will provide and has a plan.. he will keep us all safe even baby # 2 who is not here yet.

I love you Nick and you are my HERO.

Update

After what was suppose to be a relaxing afternoon turned into a rather stressful and regretful one...

first of all I ended up at the OB office...

Contractions since sunday, equal not good.... I am dilated to one. I also have been randomly getting very dizzy and nauseous usually right before I need to eat... the diagnosis after some tests, gestational diabetes.

So this is what I asked as we are very scared and anxious. Please pray that the dr's will have wisdom and that I listen to the advice and not do to much, like work...:(

we are certainly praying that this baby will stay in as long as needed to survive outside of the womb!

I am the Rock...

Im listening to this song right now, that is about a husband/father leaving for deployment and the sacrifices that he makes....

It is reminding that I need to stand beside Nick and be proud of him... he is making a sacrifice, he is leaving for a year... missing two anniversaries, two birthdays, the birth of his second child, a thanksgiving, a christmas, a valentines day, an easter, a fourth of july, and most importantly all of the milestones that our second child will go through in a year.... :(

I also have to be reminded that this is military life, and the best thing that I can do for Taylor and baby 2 is be strong... its okay for me to cry but to also let them know what their daddy is doing... today taylor saw me cry, and when I told her why she shook her head no and said da da.... this is going to be one tough year... but I will get through it and so will nick!

so here is to trusting God and here is to my husband who is the greatest father in the world and the greatest husband anyone could ever ask for!

The beginning... or the end?

Today we are headed to Casa Grande to take Morgan to her new home, 3 acres for her to run around and play with her new siblings... for those of you who do not know this is very hard for us. We took her in to give her a good home, and now sadly as our lives are moving faster than we are we had to relocate her to a new and better home... we will miss her dearly.

Simba is next, however this is extremely hard for me and we will probably wait till the last minute... He was our first "kid" if you will call it that? He always knows when to cuddle and when to not cuddle, he is the best cat anyone could really ever ask for! :)

We are keeping adelaide, as this was my parents dog... Taylor leaves addy alone and hopefully this next baby will to. :)

7 weeks, 7 very short weeks thats all that is left, it is so hard to not count down... Im gonna miss him so much. :(

Slow down

I usually never notice when something is a God thing... but this afternoon I definetly experienced a God moment! I was driving home from work, really irritated with interns, my tooth was hurting, my feet hurt, I was hungry and I really just wanted to get to my family and relax....

I always have Klove on while im driving, nick gets annoyed at this... but if you have not ever listened to the radio station Klove it is a very encouraging radio station! I found it after my dad passed away, when I really needed encouragement... and now whenever I am having a bad day I turn it on and magically I either 1) find myself singing along and praising God or 2) turning it down to background music and praying to God...

This afternoon I really needed some encouragement... after mums short visit and really just realizing how much I actually do miss her ( she is the greatest at making me look at both sides of things...) How much I really wish I could be closer to my brother, and most of all the horrid day at work... ( realizing that I will always have bad days its how I look at them that will make them good...) a song came on the radio that I had never heard before... the song is Blink by Revive...

go look up the song now...

anyhow there is a part of the song that caught my attention....

Slow down slow down before the day becomes our yesterday
slow down slow down before you turn around and its to late.

and I was reminded to slow down, this life is already moving to fast why do I need to make it go faster??

I had been counting down the weeks till my husband leaves for Korea and I realized on the drive home to the point I was in tears... that by counting down I am rushing what is already going to come. So why not just enjoy the time and not count it???

Also it made me physically slow down the car... just in time to notice that the cars in front of me had stopped.... I love our God He is truly awesome!

I also realized today that parents like to rush their kids into doing things... we rush to teach them how to sit up, to teach them how to crawl, to walk, to run... to do all of these things and then we say to ourselves I wish they didnt crawl or walk.... why not cherish time which is why i have decided that taylor will walk when she is ready... no need to rush it. I went to check out her school that she will be attending starting monday... they had the toddlers writing with crayons... helping them to write their alphabet... im not so sure I want my daughter rushed into things... but she is very independent so she will make sure they know that she is not ready....


So my point through this is to stop, slow down and enjoy life... dont blink you just might miss something!

The word week.

Saturday Taylors grandma came to pick her up for the week. But that is not what got me thinking about that word... the thinking started monday at the high risk OB's office, when he said I could and I would make it past 32 weeks he was sure of it, in fact he went on to say that I can go as far as 38 weeks... I was thrilled so in that regard to me the word week was pretty encouraging... then I went to schedule my next Appointment, and my husband informed me that he only had 10 weeks left in the US in Arizona... I was crying inside. He would be gone for approximately 53 weeks... really? As the weeks tick down and D day gets closer, I just want to pause time...

tonight over dinner we both talked about how much can happen in 53 weeks, pretty good conversation to have dont ya think? Not.... When I think about how long a week is and how long 53 weeks are going to be I cant help but tear up... But I have to say this I am very thankful for my husband and his service to this country... I am proud to be an american, I am proud to be married to a "soldier" fighting whether it is in korea, iraq, or Japan for this country and the freedom that everyday people get to enjoy!

On the 4th of July remember this, the fireworks in the sky are symbolic of our freedom... the fellowship of family and friends is all allowed because someone somewhere signed their name on a form to fight for this country!


I will survive the 53 weeks of seperation, and so will our children, because they to will know and understand that their daddy is a hero in our eyes!

Moments.

Today as stressful as everything has been I am constantly reminded by my husband,family, and friends that God is in control... when really all I have felt lately is that my world is spinning out of control.

But it is true God is in control. He is the source of encouragement that my family and friends are able to give me... Its funny I always dreamed when I was a little girl that I would one day have money to do as I please, and a husband that worked a 8 to 5 job and was always home on weekends and for holidays... but reality has hit me this week... and as much as I have not wanted to admit it, it really has... I thought it already had but I had just pushed it all to the side to focus on other things, other peoples lives, other problems....

My parents raised me in a strong christian environment... I was always encouraged... looking back I realize it as encouragement... but at the time i thought they were just nagging me. ( haha sorry Mum.) My father when I went away to college told me to have faith... I found this quite funny as My father had not really ever said that to me. But he did and I will always remember it... in fact in the craziness of getting our assignment figured out and nick going to korea his voice is in the back of my head reminding me to have faith.

And I do I have faith that wherever we are meant to go we will be sent there... Nick is going to Korea and I have to have faith that God will bring him back to me safe. ( yes I know it is fine right now in Korea, You just never know what could happen tomorrow let alone in a year.) I have faith that this pregnancy is going to turn out fine and as per mums request this baby will come either at thanksgiving or right on time!

Most of all I have been thinking back on certain moments that Nick and I have shared since being together....one of those is getting married... another is celebrating our first christmas together as a family, Being accepted into his family... also nick being accepted into my family despite circumstances. My dad thought of nick as his son, I know because he would always tell me to tell his son in law hello I still picture the two of them ( i think the last time i saw my father) standing on our balcony watching the jets at the air show. The birth of our daughter.... thats a big one!!! I dont care who you are you always want your husband there with you when you give birth... this time he wont be, its a sacrifice that we have to make.... but I have faith that he will be there in spirit!


man this is crazy how much reality sometimes can suck but if you just have faith you can get through anything! love it!

Whos your daddy?

As I woke up this morning, I could hear the dogs barking outside, my husband breathing next to me, and could hear my daughter jabbering in her bed... I smiled. Man I have the life. That was before I realized Taylor had a fever, I could not call my own father and wish him a happy fathers day, and I realized that the father of my children would be leaving for a year before I can even blink and eye.

But just for that one moment of peace I had it all and I still do! I have a husband who makes a great father!! Taylor loves him unconditionally for now... haha Last night he sprung into action when I told him we needed to go to the emergency room, not for me but for Taylor... I was in a blur thinking what could possibly be wrong with my baby... Nick the calm one made sure the house was locked and even grabbed us something to drink.

I never thought that two fathers day ago I would not have my own father hear on earth to celebrate and appreciate... Now I appreciate the things that as a teenager I HATED. lol He always understood me even when at times I got frustrated and told him he didnt understand... he always did.

I think today as well Nick is missing a great man, his own father is miles away and instead of spending the day with him nick will be making a phone call.

Its strange how dads come and go but really their influence never leaves us.

Happy fathers day dads!

hope its a great one!

Fathers Day.

With fathers day approaching I am getting more and more anxious... ( its a good thing nick doesnt read these!) As a lot of you know my father passed away a year ago... Alot has happened in my life since then as well as my brothers and also in our step mothers! Nick and I a little over a year ago...actually 14 months ago yesterday brought Taylor Ann into the world ... This precious little girl has changed all of our lives... Mum has become a nanna, matt and uncle... and most of all Nick a Father... and what a great father he makes!

Saturday Taylor and I are going to have a photo shoot... get the shots printed and framed in a special frame for Nick... ( since he can take it easily to Korea with him.) Here we go this is where I get to brag ( i feel like I dont do it enough about Nick, rather I complain...oops.)

Top Ten Reasons Nick is a great Father!

10. He changes most of the Poopy diapers!
9. He puts Taylor to bed every night!
8. He is always finding cute outfits to put on her, ( although he says he wants a boy next I think he will miss buying baby girl clothes!)
7. when he comes home he always gives Taylor a kiss then me, ( i dont mind sharing!)
6. He taught her how to crawl, not sure if this is why he is great ( as it gets annoying when she can get everywhere!)
5. He switched shifts to help me during the day while im on bed rest!
4. He plays with all of her toys more than she does!
3. I think it says something when taylors first word was DADA ( i know its every kids first word... haha)
2. He gives the best make up kisses... YUP when Taylor is mean to him he always makes her tell him she is sorry! ( i love it!)
1. AFTER dealing with Taylor's first year... HE actually wanted another one! Love it!!

He is a pretty great husband and father... I cant complain!

oh and today peeps we traded in a whole lotta stuff and got super mario bros for the wii!! woohoo to break the boredom of bedrest!!!

Well peeps love you all but ta ta!

Reality

My whole life there has always been someone there with me... I have never had to do anything alone... when I went away to college my dad,mum, brother, and neighbor dropped me off... They were all there who supported me...

I know that I still have people here that support me, but my main support comes from my husband who in 2 months is going away for a year... never has reality hit harder then now. Im filled with anger, sadness, and im scared... I have not had to do anything alone... I have to go to an OB appointment today that I had to schedule to control my blood pressure... How am I suppose to take news whether good or bad if it doesnt happen with my husband along side of me...

Military is not easy. Not at all.

Can I just rewind life a bit?

The beginning...

Most couples I know would freak if they had to spend more than a day apart... Nick and I are about to spend a whole year apart... WE can do this. I know it!! But what really hits home is that this is the beginning of him not at the appointments for this baby. Something that to me is really hard to understand, he was at everything for taylor... there to hold me when I cried and there to laugh at me when it was or wasnt appropriate... I will find out the sex of the baby without him, I will find out a lot of things without him... UGH

People tell me to be thankful, i am thankful oh you people have no idea how thankful i actually am... HE was there the whole pregnancy with Taylor I was spoiled in sense, now I am relying on friends, although eager to help and be there for me i know that at times I will have to endure things a lone that no one except my husband will ever understand...

One year... we can do this!!!

Nervous... Anxious...

Tomorrow is the first round of tests being ran to determine how this pregnancy is going to go... I ask for guidance and prayers.... Im fortunate and very blessed to have a "new" friend who knows the struggles of tough pregnancies and is able to go with me tomorrow as they run the tests... Whoa talk about blessed! Who else would want to wake up super early just to go and sit with me? lol Its definitely a blessing as I know that if Mum was here she would go but being so far away she cant be, Nick cant take the time off of work to take me which left me in the mercy of friends... So thankful that I barely got the words out of my mouth before Tasha ( my friend) was offering to drive me and sit with me!! Def a blessing!!!

I will post as to how the tests go... last time i had blood drawn I passed out, hopefully this time I will do great and it will be a piece of Cake!

Man, the things us women go through...

Well goodnight! talk to you all in the Morning!

Can I stop time now?

Yesterday Nick Taylor and I ventured to Wal Mart, Normally a quick trip in and out turned into an hour long trip... I had been telling Nick that I wanted to get Taylor a baby doll... But I did not think she was ready for one.

Well fate have it we ended up in the toy section ( mainly for Nick) and I ventured down the baby doll aisle. WHOA. Taylor's face immediatly lit up like she had hit Jack pot... So i knew she needed one... I was amazed at how many they actually had! WE ended up with the cheapest one for now, and taylor carried it with her in the cart and would not let go... I had tears in my eyes... my daughter who was 8 weeks early was finally able to enjoy what I consider "big kids" toys... Can I please stop time??

Now Baby Molly is sleeping next to me while her mommy eats breakfast... I love it. Hopefully this will make the transition of being a big sister easier on her.

one can only hope right?

Strong?

Thats the word that I cant seem to get out of my head today.... Im suppose to be strong, strong for my husband strong for my daughter, and most of all strong for the little one growing inside of me...

The assignments people tell me not to stress, the dr says do not stress..... BUT I ask is it your spouse going on a tour for ONE year without his family? Who am I kidding that Nick and I are not stressed. We have a baby on the way and more than anything nick knows that I need him here.... BUT MILITARY first... Family Second. Thats how this life works... so why Cant I just deal with that and move on? Why can I not trust that God is in CONTROL?

Lucky for me I have a pretty HUGE support system ... Nick will be leaving in september for a YEAR there is no getting out of this one... Which means to anniversaries he will miss, a two year old birthday and the birth of his second child, a Thanksgiving and a Christmas, a Easter, a 4th of July.... all these holidays will be spent apart....

IF I hear one more person complaining that they are away from their husband for longer then a 8 hour work shift, im going to scream.... ITS LIFE people... Try military life for one week! I guarantee you could not handle the long hours and constant not knowing what comes next.

I do complain a lot... but hello the stress of not knowing what is in store for the future kills me.

So I ask you to please wake me up in september of 2011.

Janine

Frustration...

I am so done with people making me feel "horrible" for being pregnant again. YES i am young, deal with it... I have my degree I am where I want to be in my life. Im married to the man that I love. Yes I had a tough pregnancy with taylor, please you dont have to remind me... Im the one who burried my father than had to turn around and watch my daughter suffer in the hospital for 5 weeks. I have a good team of doctors this time... a cardiologist as well as a high risk OB. I know more this time around which means I am taking precautions to watch my blood pressure.

You dont think that I have already thought ahead to the fact Nick could go to korea and I will have to stay here deliver by myself?

Im happy and if you can not be happy as well for me than please just stop making me feel horrible. Whats done is done... if you think that I would have a abortion then you are not as much as a christian as I thought you were...

This is several people making me feel this way not just one. Actually it is 3 people. some family some not.

Peace.

Job.

This morning I was greeted my an email from my boss thanking me for the time and effort I put into the AVID program... when really I replied I should be thanking him he provided me a job that helped me in my own studies... it taught me things that I can use when taking grad level classes.

I am sad that the job/school year is coming to a close. But I learned this that I am no where near cut out to be a high school or elementary teacher.. Kids smell. No not only that I just realize that kids have more potential then they allow themselves to have and that aggravates me.

So this summer will be spent being a nanny so I can keep Taylor with me and not have to pay for childcare! I love my life right now... Everything is coming together.... Now we just get to wait to find out whether taylor and I will be accompaning Nick to Korea... I pray every day that we get to.

Peace.

Scared...

So I have been told in the last 24 hours the following things:

You are selfish

You donot deserve this

You are going to be really sick

and the list could go on...

What I am not getting is this do you people who are upset with me not realize that all of these things went through my head, and if any of you were actually here and seeing that I was upset when I found out that I was pregnant... that I didnt want to do this yet... you would understand better.

I think what if I cant carry all the way to term again? What if this baby comes early just like taylor... I cant undo the fact that I am pregnant so please just move on past that, whether you think im stupid or not. WE are ready for this adventure. You will never understand our reasoning but one day you will.


This is my life and I am exactly where I want to be.

Here it is...

So here it is... IM PREGNANT! Yep we are expecting baby pom #2
We are both thrilled and nervous! But know that God never gives you anything that you cant handle!

SOOOOO yay, will know more later! Talk soon!


PEACE

Hmmm

At my meeting/interview today the lady asked me what kind of music I listen to in the car... as I will be picking her two older girls up from school. I answered mainly KLOVE. She was thrilled. This got me to thinking, I once had a friend who told me that I listen to way to much christian music! WHOA, hold on a second I prefer that when my daughter is in the car she is not hearing about taking rides on guys disco sticks or you spin my head right round when you go downtown.... rather her listen to how much our God loves us and cares for us.

These last couple of days have also taught me two things. One, My life is amazing... who else can say that after loosing both parents? I have an amazing stepmom who is slowly finding happiness again. I also am in awe and inspired how she has "kept" it together for me and my brother when all I have ever wanted to do is crawl up in bed and not move. She wouldnt let me neither would my husband or my daughter for that matter!

Second, I am slowly finding more and more reasons why I love my husband... first of all is this, despite everything we have gone through in our short time of being married HE would never lay a hand on me... I have a few friends that are either dating or married and are abused either verbally or physically... It got me to thinking though that when these girls go back to them it makes them look very needy, why would you continue to allow a "man" to abuse you? I just had a friend move away for this very reason and I admire her for getting the courage to walk away.
Nick has never verbally abused me nor physically. He has a respect for females that goes beyond words... To the point where he will not tolerate other males speaking to me in a disrespectful way.

I am totally in love with life right now! God has been good and so has life. I am blessed with new friends who understand military life and having kids. I am blessed with "old" friends that still support me even when I make mistakes!

I love you all! Dad and Mom I miss you but this home is just temporary!

Mum you have been the greatest! I love you and miss you!

Peace.

Child Abuse, Immigration, and Everything in between.

Im so sick of people complaining about 1070, I dont understand the full law but I do know this... My stepmom is from Australia she could have easily lived in this country done nothing to even get a green card. But the fact of the matter is she has lived up to her responisbilities and got one almost 8 years ago. I do not think that it is fair that she paid a heck of a lot of money to get one and yet people still come here and live illegally. I work at a high school where there are several undocumented children... HELLO thats where scholarship money is going....

Child abuse

Seriously!!! Abusing a baby is about the worst thing next to murdering a baby that you can do. It makes me so Mad and hurt that anyone could ever abuse their child. I went into the field that I am in to try and prevent it... I am realizing that you can never prevent the abuse just prevent a child from being killed by the abuse.

I am so grateful that I have a baby girl that I love and a husband who loves us no matter what.
Thanks to God I have life and I have happiness!

today is gonna be the day that I throw it all back to you.

Why why why.... Taylor has been crazy all day, I cant seem to do anything right, A friend that I allowed my daughter to think of as an aunt doesnt even show up to her party on saturday... kind of happened at my baby shower as well, different friend didnt show up .... Im done, I will not be living in glendale when nick leaves if I dont go with him, only two friends that I have here would never ever be as rude and disrespectful to me... they to have done things that I do not approve of but through marriage and kids have turned their lives around I cant say God because people who believe in God still do things that I do not agree with....

I have never had this kind of luck with friends nor have i ever felt more embarrassed that I had to come up with excuses for them... I am married with a child if you donot like it please please please dont even attempt a friendship with me.

I do have issues as do many others, I know that I have not dealt with them in a manner that needed to be dealt with and I am now working on that!

But as i stated in my previous post YOU DONOT WANT MY LIFE... quit being jealous!

To everyone who is considering me as a friend...

Consider this before

I have a one year old who goes to bed at 7 pm.... which means instead of going out at 7 I am usually coming home to put her to bed.

I am married, my husband comes before all else, if he doesnt want to do something on a friday or saturday night the only two nights we get to spend time together, then we DONT go.

I am married to the military, we could get orders the day before they send us... I have no choice in this matter!

I have to much on my plate to deal with your drama of break ups, parental fights, and most of all I am NOT going to come get you if you are to drunk to drive home.

I have lived the college life already, I partied till 3 am or 6 am, I am over that, I have a family that I am responisble for now.

I am taking classes, so if I do not feel like hanging out every day this is why, I take my school work pretty seriously.

Most of all, if you are just going to get jealous of my life please dont even bother. Trust me although I have a great husband and an amazing daughter.... THE Rest of my life you do not want! ( but I will Gladly trade you any day!)

I am writing this out of pure frustration...

Here we go...

this post is acting more as a prayer to God...

God,
You are my strength, the safe place that I find myself coming back to, I love it! Today lord as you know i face giants... an appointment that no 21 year old should be going to... Praying lord that whatever the news that Nick and I will take it and it will only make us stronger... We have been through so much in a year and a half of marriage, but we have gotten through it because we have you as our strong point! I pray lord that you give taylor strength to get better fast! To calm my worried nerves that she is going to be ok! You have given the drs wisdom lord i know it! The fear that i have is that i to am going to leave my daughter behind at a young age... I dont want to lord please help me to change! Help me to do everything in my power to make sure my heart gets better! I pray that you to will aide in the recovery of my heart and that I will only be a stronger person because of it! I pray lord for everyone that has a spouse,son,brother,friend cousin or uncle that has served in iraq lord this is hard as I to almost had to face a deployment. I realize now lord if i just trust in you that you will take all of my fears and worries off my shoulder! I pray lord that you be with me in making a list of teens that need to go to camp... Your work is never finished lord!
I love you forever!
amen

dont make promises you cant keep...

yup its been a year... a whole year ... dad is gone i have to accept that... he is just not going to walk back in and make things easier again. I have to get over his death but everytime that I look at my daughter i see my dad... i see him in everything i do. its not fair, i should have never had to see both my parents gone before i turned 21... But im blessed beyond all words... i have a parent left, yup i got lucky and blessed i have three parents... even when i tried to push one of them away they stayed.

i am grateful for my husband who has stood by the tears the screams and even me telling him i didnt want to ever hold our daughter, boy am i glad i did!

what many of you dont know is that my father was suppose to be the first to hold Taylor Ann. My dad was my hero and I knew that I wanted him to be the first to have the blessing of holding Taylor... when that didnt happen and Taylor was born early, it took me a long time to allow anyone including family to hold her.

Dad was my hero.... now back to my title of this blog...
When my mother died at the age of ten dad promised me he would never leave me... NEVER.
I remember in this last year screaming and crying in anger that he PROMISED.
Nick reminded me though that he hasnt left me. He is looking out for me. and I believe it!
he held taylor first he was there when she was born and he will be there everyday for the rest of my life till we are reunited!

This week has been hard so far, but DAd i love you and miss you!

not so exciting anymore...

Funny thing that when you tell people you are leaving how they naturally push you away. I DID not choose where we go ... Nick has a wish list and the military chooses. I am ok with this life because i have to accept that I married him knowing that he is military.

I am also wondering why people come to me with all of their problems... but if I try to talk to someone about them i get denied and the subject is changed.

In three days it will be a year since my dad died. its funny how you think people will live forever when they promise you when you are ten that they will never leave you. And then one day you wake up and they are gone. n

next week i will go back to the dr... have a repeat ekg and then be referred to a cardiologist... how is it i cant escape... im eating healthy i exercise something inside me wants to blame getting pregnant but then i look at my taylor and realize that its not that.

a lot going through my mind. to much going through my mind

BIG news. I th

yesterday I went to the dr for some issues i was having with my lungs. Needless to say my lungs are fine my kidney is not.:(

Anyhow nick went with me and he had some mighty big news to tell me... he had orders to korea, and Taylor and I are on them! I was thrilled. We werent sure though if he was still deploying.

when he went back to work he talked to the cheif who said his deployment had been canceled. :) BIG BIG BIG prayer answered!

So yes I am excited to go to korea, excited to see another park of the world but even more so im excited that I get to spend the time with my husband and daughter!

WE dont choose where we go or even when the military is in control.
I think this is the hardest part to accept is leaving everything and everyone that i know and love very much to embark across the world on and adventure!

No more need to ask you to wake me up when september ends! wooohooo
ask and it shall be given unto you!

what am i gonna do?

So nick being the great husband he is, took my grocery list and taylor and headed out into the rain to tackle the groceries.

What am i suppose to do when he is gone? I suppose your all thinking go get it yourself. well u see the only reason he is going is because i have homework due at midnight and im sick. :( so he figured that i needed one quiet time and two not to go back out into the cold and rain while sick.

How nice of him... which is why i love him he is so caring!

so now i think to myself....

wake me up when september ends?

Harder on me? OR harder on Tay?

Im being selfish to think that this deployment is going to be harder on me then on tay.

He leaves the house she screams Da Da for twenty mins, He comes in the door she is all smiles. She loves him!

What am I suppose to do for 4 months when she says da-da? and I have to say nope not yet. That is going to be the hardest to see her face when I tell her he wont be home till the end of september...

Maybe its best if I ask you to wake us "both" up when September ends!

The good ole days

I know I know im to young to be saying that... but its true. I had a conversation with an old high school friend today over what she wrote in my year book... and i stopped. Realizing that i miss the carefree days of HS.

Instead now I am a mother to a 10 month old who I love with all my heart.
And married to a man im about to send off to war in may. Not so carefree anymore am i?

But as of today my husband is an expert at shooting an M-16 so I shouldnt fear right? I mean thats what people are saying... Just because some instructor who im sure is qualified to teach my husband how to shoot says he is expert doesnt mean I cant still be afraid and worry for him.

SO people who seem to think you know everything about military life when your not married into it or even apart of it at all, please oh so kindly dont tell me I dont need to worry.

instead all of my support I ask you to
please
Wake me up when september ends?

A weekend without Taylor

Having the weekend to really talk to my husband about his deployment has opened my eyes in a whole new way... I understand now that him not going and fighting for his country in his mind makes him feel helpless. I understand now that he is an American soldier and I am serving my country by being his wife... which although difficult at times, means being strong.

I have God on my side, I will pray everyday with Taylor that daddy will be brought home to us safe! But still in my head I ask...

Wake me up when september ends?

Money isnt everything...

Free oil change Free childcare Free Free everything, I dont care! If it meant having to pay for all those things to keep my husband on american soil Im for it!



Thats what He was told at the briefing... dont worry about your wife we will take care of her... what if i dont want them to? Huh did anyone ever ask me that... NO.



And everyone that says it is only for four months, If you were married would you be saying that? Nick is my life now, He is my everything I love him! Would you send the one you love off to war and say oh well its only four months! I dont care if it is four months or four weeks or four days! its to long!

Yes the pay is nice, but they pay you more because he is going to a war zone... money really isnt everything. Im not saying i dont agree with the war, i do. BUT it is so different when someone you love and care about is leaving to go to it.




But I know Taylor and I will manage, We can do this.



Again I ask, Wake me up when september ends?

Military First... Family Second

So this is what it is like to be a military wife, my husband is in the AF, and plans on remaining in the AF till he can retire.

I always knew that he had been trained to put his country over his family, but did I believe it no. I didnt believe it until my husband came home with his deployment orders... when I stated I cant believe they are sending you when we just had our daughter nine months ago... he replied They are not forcing me to go I volunteered.... WHOA

I was angry hurt confused and scared. But I was reminded by fellow military wives that he does place his country the military over his family. I never thought being an air force wife that I would ever have to deal with deployment. I knew it was possible yes, but the thought that Nick would volunteer for it had never crossed my mind.

So as of tomorrow we will go to a briefing and I will be told how I need to be strong and support him and all of the stuff they have to tell you.... But between you and me this is the hardest thing to do. Yes I will support him i will support whatever he wants to do, but staying strong thats gonna be hard.
HE will leave in may and return the middle of september... yes we are lucky taylor and i will only be apart from nick for 4 months...

Wake me up when september ends?